Retirement Humor

Retirement humor and funny retirement quotes are just what is needed on this otherwise serious occasion.  Whether it be a farewell or a retirement, here you will find plenty to create a happy moment on this auspicious occasion.

So why humor?

When you retire, the best celebration is one where there is lots of laughter, good cheer, and back slapping (gently of course).  So what better way than to include some funny retirement humor and quotes.

If you wish to be persuasive in your message, again these funny retirement quotes will help you get the message across.

You do not have to be a comedian.
Here is how to easily select and add humor to that retirement speech and have them laughing, enjoying your words and waiting for what next you are going to say.

Personally used

Here you will find the best quotes and ideas that I have used in my farewell speech over the years on the occasions when I have been farewelled, and when I was in management and had the occasion to farewell a valued colleague.

By thinking about your words, you will be able to transition to the quote seamlessly so that it fits and supports your speech. One example is using a phrase like “and as <name of Quote’s author> has said ...”

I am sure you will find just the right funny retirement quotes here for your retirement humor, or maybe it’s just a farewell.  Regardless, I hope you enjoy reading over these and selecting those best for you, as much as I did in going through my treasures to find them, having a laugh and in organising them for you here.

Are you anxious about your speech?

If you are anxious about your speech, here are some tips and ideas I use before each speaking occasion.  In particular, I find the music referenced here to be of immense benefit as it is written specifically to assist on such occasions.

This is an exciting occasion for you, and I wish you the very best wishes.


Retirement Humor Quotes

I'm now as free as the breeze — with roughly the same income. ~Gene Perret

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.  ~ W. Somerset Maughan

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.  ~ Wil Shriner


My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world.  And after two or three hours with them, I believe it too.  ~ Gene Perret


When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.
~R.C. Sherriff


A woman has the right to treat the subject of her age with ambiguity.  ~ Helena Rubenstein


The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
~Abe Lemons


Age is just a number.  It’s totally irrelevant unless of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.  ~ Joan Collins


I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day. ~Gene Perret

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. ~Ogden Nash

For the Golfer

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. ~Tommy Bolt

In my retirement I go for a short swim at least once or twice every day. It's either that or buy a new golf ball. ~Gene Perret

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. ~Dean Martin

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